You Must be Lying!
Written May 2002
- I read your bio, and you claim to be
a virgin?
- That is correct.
- But you also claim to be 25?
- Yeah, so?
- Well, at 25, it's not possible! You
must be lying.
- Why would I lie about
it?
- I don't know. So if you are being truthful,
you must be really ugly, huh?
- I wouldn't call myself
ugly. You can, but I think most people would disagree.
- Do you smell real bad? Can't find the
shower?
- Nope, not that either.
- Then how else could you be a 25 year
old virgin?
- Well, I was raised
Catholic, and for some odd reason I believed having sex before marriage
was a huge sin, and would send me to hell. Of course, I grew up and
realized what crap that was, but since I had waited for so long, I
felt doing it would cause a lot of emotional ties to the person it's
done with, and if it's the wrong person, I could get hurt badly. So
I'd rather wait till marriage, or at least until I'm in a very strong
and deep relationship with someone.
- Hmm.. that sounds sweet.
- Thanks.
- I was being sarcastic.
- Well good for you,
anymore questions?
- Yeah, so if you've never done it, how
far have you actually gone?
- Hmm.. not sure if I've
even gotten to first base yet.
- Eh? What you mean? Like no kissing
either?
- Yep yep!
- You're such a prude.
- Maybe, but I have been
to some clubs and done that close type of grind dancing, so I'm not
a complete prude.
- How often?
- Only a few times, and
I haven't been to a club since New Years 2001.
- Why not go back more often?
- Well I'm too polite.
- What do ya mean?
- Well, if you walk up
to girls and ask them if they would like to dance, they normally say
no. So the way to do it, is to just start dancing with them, but to
me that seems really rude. I can't be rude like that, so I'm stuck
with asking, and after so many turn downs, there isn't much fun to
it. Also don't entirely see the point.
- What do ya mean, don't entirely see
the point?
- I mean the point of
going out and grinding with some random strangers. Seems kind of sleazy
to me, and if you really need to get rid of some sexual energies,
just lend yourself a hand.
- True, but it is more fun when another
person is involved.
- That could be true.
- It is.
- If you say so.
- So if you were at a club again, and
some hot girl came up to you to dance with you, you'd say no?
- Of course not!
- Uhh.. but you just said you didn't
see the point?
- Yeah true, but it's
harder to see the point when sitting here. And remember I'm too polite,
it'd be rude to turn her down, hehe.
- Oh, now that's funny.
- Thanks.
- Sarcasm again idiot.
- Ouch, that hurts.
- So you called dancing with some random
stranger sleazy, but you would do it?
- I didn't call it sleazy
you dumbass, I said it seems kind of sleazy. But unlike sex, it's
pretty much a safe bet you won't get any STD's from just dancing.
- That's certainly true.
- So we agree on that
then?
- I guess. So I bet you can't wait for
that first time, eh champ?
- Eeep, I might run scared.
- Oh, that'll make her feel good about
herself.
- Doof, I was kidding..
for the most part.
- For the most part?
- Yeah. I'll have to
be super comfortable with whomever.. and still, it may be really interesting.
- I'll remember to bring my camera.
- Oh no you won't!
- Heh, all right.
- I don't feel I can
believe you.
- You can! I'm honest, and I gotta go
hide the camera.. err, water the flowers now.
- Ha! Dumbass, get yer
slow ass going.
- You like my ass a bit too much.
- Ugh, shut up. I'm done
with this interview. I'm leaving.
- Bye!
- BAH!!