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Journal

Just posting to post, cuz I feel like it!

Posted by Me on 5/15/2004 08:24:02 PM | Comments?

Got our power back, wasn't a circuit breaker, but an outlet. Too much power for it, so it shut off, all that required to get the power on was to push a button on it.. so wasn't as hard as it would have seemed at first.

In other good news, got a thunderstorm coming through right now, and it feels like the temp is dropping outside. So that's good! We've had a few thunderstorms over the past few days, but they were really weak ones, and this one is sounding louder! So, hopefully stupid heat wave will be over.

And, having said that.. think I should get off the computer or something.

Posted by Me on 5/14/2004 04:21:53 PM | Comments?

Great day, think we're in the middle of a heat wave, considering the temp is higher than it should be for this time of year.. argh. Too much higher, so dying of heat or something, lol.. naw, it's not that bad, but I am running a fever again. Up to 99.6, which may not sound like much right? But my normal body temp is usually around 97, or sometimes in the 96's, so bit higher than usual for me.

Is that normal, to have your body temp increase so much, when the temp is only in the low 80's? Doesn't sound normal to me. And I haven't been doing anything active either!

To make things worse though, we blew a circuit breaker or something, so a section of our house is without power until we get it replaced, or whatever broke, fixed. Hopefully it's just the circuit breaker though, or else damn.. somewhere in the house's wiring!

So, nice.. HOT day so far. This is way I never plan to live in warmer areas.

Posted by Me on 5/13/2004 06:28:11 PM | Comments?

The weather man sucks! Today the forcast said no rain. Well, we've already had two thunderstorms with a bunch of rain! So, the weather man sucks!

I've realized something, I shouldn't go on AOL or any messagers when I want to finally start trying to write my book, or get a start on it.. cuz people will message me. Course they don't when I have nothing to do, but guess that's how it works.

Posted by Me on 5/12/2004 04:16:59 PM | Comments?

Oh yay! I thought with the old blogger system, there was a way to make a post, dated in the past. With this new system, I had no clue how to do so, but logging in, I noticed a thing called "More Post Options" and it shows the date when clicking on it. Looks like it's really easy to have a date in the past then.

If I'm making no sense, what I mean is, I have thought about taking the entries from my old blog and posting them in here, but with the right dates on them. So, I'd post all of those, before my first post in here.

Will be some work, but glad to know I could actually do it. That's if it works, haven't tested it.

Posted by Me on 5/12/2004 03:31:43 PM | Comments?

Heh.. anyone hear about the American who got his head cut off in Iraq? There was a video of it released and that guys who did it, said they did it because of the abuses Iraqi prisoners have been through. And well, just watched the video.. er, I've heard some say it is horrible? Well, video wise it was horrible. Unless there is a better copy, the one I saw the picture only changed about 8 seconds, though the sound was constant. You really couldn't see his head being cut off, though it was left resting on the body.

So, I really didn't look that bad to me.. I'm sure, it must have been awful for the guy. Just saying the video didn't look that bad, seen worse actually. Anyone whose watched a horror movie would have, though yeah, this was real.

Edit: Just read what I saw wasn't the "real" video.. so maybe there is a better video.. oh well. Again, I was saying the video I saw wasn't that bad looking, not the act itself.

Posted by Me on 5/12/2004 12:11:28 AM | Comments?

I wonder if I'm a vain person..

Was running out to the post office today to drop a card off, then go to the drive thru of Burger King, yummy! Before I left the house, I noticed my shirt had a small hole it in, just under the collar part, in the front. So thinking that kinda looked bad, I taped it so the hole couldn't be seen. Tape on the inside of the shirt, of course. So does that make me vain that I was concerned about looking bad before of a hole in my shirt?

Or maybe just lazy for not getting another shirt? Though in my defense, I didn't think I had any other shirts, since I kinda needed to do laundry, which I did do today! I'm good.. really! So what if I put it off for awhile and run out of clothes today.

Yeah, so no point to this post. Just being chatty with myself in text.

Posted by Me on 5/11/2004 11:52:07 PM | Comments?

Well I found some depressing news in my email..

Someone who I had been talking to over email, notified me she was closing her email account. She felt she needed to do so, because it was controlling her. And I can understand that, I've gone through allowing the internet to control more of my life than I would have liked in the past, and so I do fully support her in that endeavor.

The reason it's depressing though, is there was a connection there. We just clicked really well and were talking to each other quite in detail and in depth and I really enjoyed it! She did too, maybe that was part of the problem.. maybe I became part of the problem. She was enjoying it too much, that she needed to step away for awhile. I don't know how long, she said maybe she'll be stronger in a few months, I replied back even if it took a few years, she could still contact me. Though no clue if she'll actually get the reply, account could already be closed.

And, she didn't have the internet at home, but had to go to a cafe where you pay for it, so I think that's what was part of the control over her life, having to get to the cafe to check her email.

So another down. There use to be quite a few people online who I talked to, felt a certain connection with them, and was able to be open or what not. While they weren't all in my life at the same time, a few overlapped, but now the number is pretty much getting down to none. And well, it's not none yet, and I should say.. I mean people who I use to beable to talk to almost everyday, etc. If it's down to almost never having any meaningful conversations, there that person is down. Could return, but in the present, is down. If that makes sense. Maybe not.

So what is one to do? I could try to find more people to talk to, but eh, I've never really found anyone to connect with that way. Normally it just happens. Maybe that means I'm lazy, but you can't force a connection with someone. And not to be rude to anyone, but more times than not, I just don't feel much of a connection with people. So, eh.. whatever.

Don't think I feel that bad right now, just know I am gonna miss the friend who had to step away. Hopefully she will be okay. And if by chance she is reading this, don't feel bad, be strong and take as much time as you need. I have absolutely no bad feelings towards you, just good ones. Promise.

Posted by Me on 5/11/2004 07:57:09 PM | Comments?

I really hate spiders!

Last night, I'm sitting here on the comp, minding my own buisness, and a freaking spider comes crawling along onto the keyboard! Then it tries to hide between the F1 and F2 keys. Grrr! Eventually got it off, and killed it. But that wasn't the bad part. The bad part was later another freaking spider comes crawling along, and onto the keyboard, then it went right into the keyboard, crawled right in before I could get to it. Super-Grrrr! So, stupid spider is inside my keyboard now. At least, I was about to go to bed anyway, so I just left.. and hopefully it came out during the night.. if not, well then there's a spider in this thing I'm typing on right now. Uber-Grrrrrr!

Oh well, maybe if it can't figure out how to get out, it'll die! Though would rather not have a dead spider in the keyboard either.

Posted by Me on 5/11/2004 03:24:08 PM | Comments?

Oh joy.. LOL.

I'm sitting in this chatroom with 4 or 5 other people, someone comes in and what happens right off? I get sent an instant message, or private message, whichever.. from the person who came in. She needs advice about a boy she likes.. why me??

Of course I am talking to her right now, trying to be helpful. Just odd, it seems random strangers will message me, to talk about a problem they are having! I think at least, I'm fairly good at helping, or I try to help. And sometimes all that's needed is someone who will listen, and I can do that well!

Oh well.

Posted by Me on 5/10/2004 11:47:27 PM | Comments?

So today while showering, and don't think that.. dirty people! I was thinking about stuff, something I normally do in the shower. Hmm.. I need a hot tub, could really save water, anyway..

I thought back to the first time someone said they loved me, and I don't mean a family member or anything, but like a girl. Did she mean it? Nope! It was just a lie, to mess with my head or something. I guess she found that fun or something. It wasn't said face to face, but online. She did it twice, and when called on it, she would just claim it was someone else. Which was a lie as well. So, my first experience with someone telling them they loved me, was just a game to them! Fun.

I went on further thinking, and the next person after that, who I guess I thought I was in love with, and said the same? I don't remember if she actually used the words, was just using me! Yep. That's it. She didn't care, and when I found out she had been lying to me about almost everything (which I should have seen, but I was being completely blind I guess), she had the nerve to act all hurt when I called her on it, and told her I didn't love her. I was in love with the lies that were her.. and she has a fit that I lied about loving her then? Freaking idiot! So she ran away like a little coward, deleting all her SN's so I could never hear from her again. Not that I was to upset over that, she was a very pathetic person.

So that had me thinking how great my first two experiences with love was, though I then realized there was someone before that. She may not have lied about being in love with me, don't remember if she actually said it either (This was online, like the 2nd one I mentioned), but the relationship was started on the basis of lies too. Real fun. A 4th relationship, that was also online (sad, yes), was also based on lies. Well, partly. So, you can say I've had a great love life so far!

But, thinking back to my very first girlfriend, which was in 1st grade, that relationship I think was good. I don't remember much at all, which I guess makes it seem even better in my mind? Don't have any pain or hard feelings involved. The basis of our relationship though, was that she tied my shoes for me, LOL. I brought her a flowers once. I was told this, I really don't remember any of it. Sounds like a nice relationship kinda, and I do wonder at times where she is now? Moved away, when I was in 5th or 6th grade. Though our relationship ended I guess when I got held back and learned to tie my shoes. Oops! And no, I'm not crazily wishing to meet her again. It's just a nice pleasant memory, that I really don't remember.

Hmm.. not sure there is a point to this. Maybe some of my issues I have with expressing love might come from these experiences mentioned above? Naw, couldn't me.

Posted by Me on 5/10/2004 11:04:24 PM | Comments?

Alright.. blogger changed a little. Yesterday I did notice the blogger image on my blog changed, but it would appear they changed the entire website. Hopefully I'm doing everything right, lol.

So, one week from today I get to go in for some testing. Real exciting! Well, not, but hopefully it'll lead to a Doctor saying, "Oh, so that's what's wrong!" I doubt I'd get a "On behalf of all the Doctors you have been to over the years, I'd like to apologize that it took us so long to find what was wrong, and for telling you it was all in your hand and not a big deal" following that. But, I'd be happy enough with just the first part.

Eh, I think that's all I want to publish for now, so gonna go.

Posted by Me on 5/10/2004 04:28:14 PM | Comments?

Man, I was gonna make a nice long post in her, about my adventures to the grocery store yesterday, but ugh.. feeling tired, drained. It's not too hot out, but humidity is up over 90%, bleck. And I just spent some time making long posts on some message boards, so that kinda tired me out too.. so maybe I'll do it later tonight. Just felt like posting something, even though it's a post about not posting.

Posted by Me on 5/09/2004 05:09:30 PM | Comments?

GODDARNIT!!

I'm on AOL right now, and people keep logging on and off, on and off, on and off, on and off, getting annoyed? How do you think I feel!! Got the headphones on too.. but just realized, close my buddy list and I won't hear the logging in and off sound.. yes, need to do that, already heard the on and off 3 times since I started writing this! And I'm not that slow of a writer, especially when annoyed.

Though I guess it must suck more for the one going on and off, if they keep getting booted or something, lol.

Posted by Me on 5/09/2004 01:39:48 AM | Comments?