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Journal

I'm kinda glad I actually just went and played VC online instead of doing anything else last night, only because I finally was able to figure out some of the neater tricks people do. To drive through walls, well that was just a map mod someone had, that made the walls not be there. Since I had the orginal map, it just looked like he was going through them to me, while for him they weren't there. I can get that fairly easy. Someone also told me how someone had a truck flying, sounded more like a mod, that I had seen. Also, in playing with the car editor, actually figured out how to keep it from spinning out that much, and to drive up walls! Of course, not nearly as well as some people, but least I have figured out some of the things that need to be editted down. Just gotta fine tune them now! =)

And now to complain. Ugh. So, I've been back on eating gluten, so I can get tested for Celiac Disease. One of the things that should be happening is I should be feeling worse. It sucks though, on days when I'm feeling better, something I want - to feel better, it upsets me, because I want to be feeling worse right now, cuz it's a good sign. Though, when I am feeling worse, I'm hating it and don't want too.. though do know it's a good thing, but still hate it. Sigh, just annoying, because on the days I feel good, which is good.. that's bad too. And on the days I feel bad, that's good.. but bad too. Oh well.. just hoping I don't feel too bad, though still end up testing positive. Yeah, it still sounds fucked up to me, to be hoping to have a disease, and this is a disease that pretty much fucks up your lifestyle for the rest of your life, in how carefully you need to aviod certain foods, and traces of those foods.. but having been sick for about 10 years now, with no "reason" medically.. just hoping this is it, so I can finally have a reason, and start getting healthy again.. if too much damage hasn't already been done.

Well, I'm off now, so later.

Posted by Me on 4/24/2004 04:30:45 PM | Comments?

There were some things I kinda wanted to ramble about, but eh, when I came in here, just got hit by this sudden lack of desire to do anything. Don't even feel like trying to edit the poems I posted, or anything. Bleck.. really just want to hop on the other computer and play some Vice City online and run other people over or something.

And sounds like a good idea! Nothing I really need to do or want to do, and no one online to talk too, never is.. so might as well. Why force myself to sit here when I don't feel like it?

So that's all for today. Rejoice, and later.

Posted by Me on 4/23/2004 11:37:55 PM | Comments?

Ya know, if I owned 10 million shares of GM stock, I would have made 5 million dollars yesterday! Though, since I only own about 22 shares, I made about 11 dollars. Damn man, and checking how the stock went up today, if AOL isn't wrong, I would have made 5.7 million. Daaaaammn. That bites. I need 10 million shares of stock! Course, I do realize, on the days the stock goes down, I'd be crying. Like today, from the stocks high of the day, it lost 3.5 million if I had 10 million shares, but would have still had a net gain of 5.7 million, so wouldn't have cried too badly.

Anyway, I got my two poems all done up and ready. Uploaded, and such. Kinda silly a song inspired me to write, but no worries. Actually, glad it did. It's been almost 2 years since I have gotten any poems finished. Didn't know it had been that long. Anywho, I think they came out well, hopefully. They are all dialogue and give a picture of what's happening. A lot is left to the readers imagination. This is a new method and something I haven't done before, but that was how the poems came to me, and I'm not one to argue with a muse when she is giving out material, so.. they be all dialogue as I said. I know no one comments anymore, but I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts on them! Don't have to of course. If you feel like it, go read 'em! Alright: Part 1 and Part 2. Oh yeah, it's two poems, but same story, sorta. Number 2 happens after number 1, obviously. That's why it's number 2!

Enjoy and night night.

Posted by Me on 4/23/2004 12:46:52 AM | Comments?

Denver Nuggets blew another game they might have been able to win last night. Oh well.. least the made the playoffs, lol.

I've mentioned in this journal before, about Avril Lavigne's song "Don't Tell Me." Being bored last night, noticed in the AOL music section that there was actually a video to it, so watched it. In my opinion, that just seemed to add even more meaning to the song, and just on a side comment, I really don't care if you think she sucks, is pop, whatever. Screw off. Talking about a song here, which is art, and I'm interpreting damnit! Anyway, song seems to be about a guy who wanted to have sex (and she was still a virgin?), but the girl doesn't want too. Song is in first person, so I'll just say she, don't know if this has a basis in real life, but just easier to say she. So the guy wants to do it, and she doesn't. Sounds like he tries to convince her, guilt her, but she refuses, and they end up breaking up cuz he wants it. She sings about not being that kind of girl, not to tell her what to do or say, how she wasn't gonna give it up, etc. Video seems to go along those lines, started with the guy and her sitting in bed, and him leaving. She then tears up her apartment, in anger one would think. He stops a moment in the hallway, hearing it, but then continues. After that, she is following him on his way, like she isn't there. Just singing at him. She follows, single mindedly. There's a car that has to slam on it's breaks to not hit here, and she doesn't seem to notice. Then it gets to a part where he is looking around, like he thinks he sees her, and such.. and there show he singing on TV, in a car, in a window. Oh well, I'm not doing it justice in explaining it, cuz I want to get to my rant! And, again, screw off if you don't like her. I'm not a huge fan, and I don't know if this song is about an actual guy, but hell, music is meant to make you think and feel, and this did so.. and that's all that matters. Though poor her, if it is about a guy, LOL.

Rant time: Why the hell do guys seem to think sex is something that has to be part of a relationship? Why is it something that can be taken, something that can be won? It's not! It's not a competition. Having sex doesn't mean you are a big bad conqueror. Just means you're fucking pathetic since you need it to feel special or look big and bad infront of your friends. It's sad. Seems like this society is so hung up on sex, it needs to be fixed. And I mean that in a surgical sense. I don't understand how sex and love have become so intertwined. You don't need to have sex with someone if you love them. Sex doesn't need to be part of a loving relationship, and putting pressure on someone you supposedly love when they don't want to have sex is fucking pathetic. You claim you love her? You fucking don't. If you did, you wouldn't try to pressure her or convince her to do it, since she doesn't want too. All you really deserve when you do that, isn't sex, but a fucking brick smashed into your face. What? Don't like that? Too fucking bad asshole. I'd do it myself if I could, but can't. So, yeah, laugh all you fucking want, but eventually you'll get what you deserve, and hopefully it'll be long, painful, and leave you dead. Understanding me? Fucking coward. What you do is just as bad as rape. No means no. You stop there. You don't keep trying to convince her until she finally gives in. Sex is supposed to be something special, shared between two who love each other. It's supposed to be done when BOTH feel ready. Anything else, is fucking rape. And anyone who uses "love" to convince, pressure, or guilt someone into sex, needs to be tortured until they are dead. It's that simple. The world would be much better if these kind of people were dead. And I'd do it myself.. if our legal system wasn't fucked up, which it is. Needs a major overall. All these fucking sick bastards should be shot dead, not put in prison for a few years then let out to continue. Bah. Sigh.

Phew.. umm.. yeah, so, that rant went a bit darker than I planned. Oh well, that's what rants are for! I did end up writing two poems on this subject too, just drafts, I'll try to get them posted today or tomorrow. Just need to get them fixed up first. So, should I comment that in my rant I said I would kill them myself? Say I didn't mean it? Naw, it's a rant. Read into it what you want, lol. Though, if anyone feels threatened by that, I figure they are one of the pathetic losers. =P

Well, later.

Edit: Just would like to mention, if two people like to sleep around, then that's fine. Rant was addressing those who pressure others, etc. If both are willing, but not in love, enjoy yourselves.

Posted by Me on 4/22/2004 04:55:39 PM | Comments?

Geez.. I just watched the newest Britney Spears' video on AOL, called "Everytime" and she dies in it! Well, seems to die.. but then it ends up just being a dream or something? But, eep.. was kinda interesting. Not that I'm a huge fan, just heard some talking head mention something about the video, so wanted to see what was up about it.. and now I do. Hmm.. oh well.. wonder if anything in the video had a basis for real life? Poor Britney if so.

Oh well.. should be getting to bed soon, but felt like commenting about that. Wanna fight about it?

Posted by Me on 4/22/2004 01:36:32 AM | Comments?

Nice warm day out, well a little too warm for my liking. But getting a cool breeze through the window which feel nice.

Really weird today, I woke up thinking it was Thursday. Actually think that started last night. But throughout the day, I kept thinking it was Thursday! Desipte the fact I was looking to see what was on TV tonight, looking for Wednesday's TV shows.. and someone called telling my mom she was too sick for her to visit tomorrow, and she normally visits her on Thursday, so I was left thinking "Why would she be calling to say that, when my mom had visited already.. and would she be visiting tomorrow?" Weird.. totally out of it for some reason. When I went to check the mail though, it finally dawned on me it wasn't Thrusday.. oh, and shoot, I need to go tell my mom the message that was left! Kinda important.. eeep.

So, yeah, I'll stop here and go before I forgot to give the mesage again.

Posted by Me on 4/21/2004 06:11:46 PM | Comments?

Happy 4/20 day! Not that I smoke pot or anything, that'd require knowing someone who has some.

So, was playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City online today, on one of the stunt servers, and I come across someone with a majorly modded vehicle. A few people actually. And that's something I really want!! I have found some car editors, but compared to what other people can so, the ones I got suck. So, I ask this one person who is beating on me with a helicopter that is driving through walls and acting like a car, what program he is using to do that, his answer was, "my ass."

Joy. I wonder if he thought that was funny? Wonder if he was trying to look mature? All he did was make himself look like a fucking asshole. Ya know if you don't want to tell me, fine just say that, don't be too fucking pussy not to. It's just really annoying, been looking all over the web, for some really cool editors and mods, or whatever, and haven't really been able to find any that can do what others have. And most seem unwilling to talk about it, and some are just complete assholes about it. Maybe I need to joy one of there fucking little clans and start playing the game all the time.. then maybe they will actually be helpful? Bah.

Oh well.. don't mind me, just really disappointed I'm being denied something that is soooo damn fun. Sucks.

Posted by Me on 4/20/2004 09:12:31 PM | Comments?

Got warm today, up over 70. Think that might be the first time this year.. seems spring has finally come. Had the nice and quick thunderstorm fly by too, with winds up to 60 miles per hour. Real rude storm, slammed a few of our doors, lol.

Yeah, that was really funny, wasn't it? I use lol too much. One of my vices, so deal with it. It is much better than smoking, drinking, and baby bowling, so stop looking at me like that. Jerk.

Yesterday though, with the window open, was getting a nice "spring" breeze. I like those! Today, bleck.. get a breeze that feels hot. That's wrong.

So yeah, exciting day.

Posted by Me on 4/20/2004 02:22:06 AM | Comments?

Wow, the Nuggets/Wolves game was hella annoying (NBA playoffs for those who are clueless).

I know the chances of the Nuggets actually winnning a game are low, the series, really low. But hell, they played tonight like they could have won the game. They freaking totally suck up the place, getting down by 22 in the 3rd quarter, than come back to make it 5 in the 4th quarter. Then they go back to fucking up. So freaking annoying. If they played well, lost.. great! They aren't supposed to win. But if they suck up at times, play crappy, then get close and lose? Well fark! That means they could have won.

Oh well.. maybe hopefully they'll have a player like some of the Wolves, who will beable to hit lots of shots.. all they needed was one guy tonight to do that. Blah.

What else? Nothing.. oh wait, watched John Kerry give his interview today. Thought he did a much better job than Bush, when he did his. Much better. Of course Kerry got his talking points in, didn't go as far into detail in some areas, but overall thought he did fairly well.

Anywho, night night.

Posted by Me on 4/19/2004 02:17:46 AM | Comments?