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Journal

Dude, I just visited Mem's journal.. found some pics of Walt Disney World.. and it like reminded me of stuff! Last went there, in umm.. like middle school.

Long.. time ago..

Anyway! I was reminded of this time, when we were in the audience of this like show or something, and the dude on stage was asking for volunteers. He said he wanted someone wearing sun glasses.. and well, I was like real shy then, and wearing sun glasses.. and.. think my mom commented (or dad), they'd never seen someone take off their sun glasses that fast before.. LOL.

Safe to say I didn't get picked.

I dunno.. just a silly story I remember. =)

Ooohhh.. I remember the breakfast buffet, at our hotel.. mmm.. yummy! Oh, and I think like in it's bottom section, it had an area with video games.. one was the game V8. Realy crappy game by todays standards, but I found it fun.. ended up getting it for our Atari(sp?) computer.. didn't have a hard drive. Just a keyboard, and a floppy disk drive, that went to our TV.. and we did have the first Atari video game systems too.. I still remember when we got it. Umm.. 84? Damn, I was like 8 if so.. it was christmas time. That thing rocked.. hehe.

Okay, okay.. gotta get to bed, I could end up talking too long here about childhood memories that are popping up.

Night!

(If I'll beable to sleep now.. lol)

Posted by Me on 9/11/2003 04:34:34 AM | Comments?

Hmm.. I figure, wishing everyone a happy 9/11 would be a bad idea?

It's true what they say though, about "Where were you, when so and so happened?"

I remember where I was, when the planes were hitting, and the towers were going down.. do you?

I'll go into detail later, if I'm still in a talky mood. (=

Posted by Me on 9/11/2003 04:20:01 AM | Comments?

Blargh.. my lower back is aching, been all evening.

Allso noticed, my temp.. which seemed to be going down, is even higher today than it was last week! Only by .2 degrees, but 1.6 degrees higher than yesterday.

So, still running a slight fever.. weird.

Maybe my lower back hurts, cuz it's my kidneys, and it has my temp up, and I am dying!

(Kidding!)

Kinda getting sick of feeling light headed, and having a slight headache.. and feeling too hot. Though not always at the same time at least. (=

Posted by Me on 9/10/2003 11:33:58 PM | Comments?

Damn full moon.. well, coming full soon. Got me feeling really talky, or something.. and of course, I have no one to talk too. Don't see anyone around, online.. and well.. taking to myself in my head, while it usually is enough for me, since it's all I usually get.. I feel like actually using this journal some more, lol.

Hmm.. silly, in my last post, I mentioned how I've helped some people.. which reminds me of Jill. She was in a class I TA'ed, spring 2002. Helped her study, at the end of the year.. well her and her friend Jen. Both seemed to be nice people, and usually I chatted with them, on the way to our cars from class.. sorta.

Anyway, just remembered, how.. when I was helping them study, Jill accidently got my copy of the test questions (The teacher gave them out before hand), mixed up in her stuff. That was on a Friday, I was seeing her on Monday, to go through the questions.. though she emailed me Saturday to let me know of the mistake. Now, how considerate is that? I know some people who would have never done that.. just waited till Monday, and returned them. But she actually went to the trouble of emailing me, to let me know! She also got me some candy, for helping them out with a Lab.. lol.. I said she didn't need to, but she did anyway. Some skittles.. sugary. Yummy. And, uhh.. no, I still don't have the wrapper! LOL.. well, I do. I'm a pack rat. I save things that are memorable, you could say.

The weird thing, why do I still think about her? Ugh. Most of that semester, I had my eye on another girl.. who ended up turning me down. And most of the semester, I thought Jill wasn't single.. found out the last week she wasn't, when she gave me a ride to my car, lol.. saved me a 10 minute walk. Was nice. Though wish I talked more to her in the car, lol.. but, not about going out or anything, she doesn't live near me, and it was the last week of school. Both our last semesters there. Rather dumb, to try and start something up. Did tell her, she could email me, sometime if she wanted.. to just let me know how life was treating her. But, the weird thing.. is, I haven't seen her since May 2002. Why still think about her?

Least I got good, and happy memories. Don't make me sad, really.. to think about her. Of course, would be nice if I was still in contact. I know nothing would be going on. Nothing should be going on.. just, guess, glad I had gotten to known her a little. She was beautiful. Think Model type body.. and very nice and considerate, as I mentioned. I don't mention her looks to be shallow, she was just one of those people beautiful on the inside and out. I remember another time, being told she brought her friend Jen, think best friend? Balloons I think, and maybe a card.. when she wasn't feeling good, just to cheer up her mood! Though, I did find out she was single.. after she asked me if I was single. Said Jen was curious. Was there more to that? Jen did have a boyfriend.. found out Jill didn't. There was a guy, but they weren't really together. I found out about him, because she mentioned how they were in bed, no fooling around.. just talking, and went to sleep like that. She said it was like nice or something, and that would be. But, my point.. hmm.. was she implying something by asking that? I dunno. Guess I'll never know, since I'll never seen her again. Which is just part of life.. and I'm fine with that. I do have fantasies, of seeing her again.. maybe something happening. But, they are just that, fantasies. A normal human thing. Iit's not love struckness. But still.. why do I think about her still? I like the memories, maybe that's why?

Anyway.. enough of my rambling about Jill. Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll come across this journal.. and feel flattered, and drop me an email! LOL.. one can only dream. (=

Posted by Me on 9/09/2003 10:11:17 PM | Comments?

People are fucking stupid! Or just completely ignorant of computers.

I keep getting sent those stupid worms that have been going around, on the web.. from weird email addresses I have never seen before.

I open a few, all they say is to see the attached file. No hello, no nothing.. who in their right mind would actually go, Oohhh.. pretty, and DL it?

Sheesh.. my rant of the day.

On a more somber note, someone came to my journal, using the search words, "how to slit your wrist the right way" or something like that.. hmm.. oops? Guess I shouldn't have been talking about that, in here. Well, hopefully they were just doing research.. but, heck.. I won't lose any sleep over that. That info can be found elsewhere, in movies, etc.. and not forcing anyone too!

On another happier note.. was thinking, what exactly have I accomplished in this life? Then I remembered, this one girl I know.. she's, umm.. 18 now, met her online when she was 14. No, there was nothing sexual here! Just a teen in need of help. Anyway, I saw her online recently, and she thanked me, for being there for her. So, it's like.. even if I do get sicker and die, my life has had some meaning to someone. Though, I have helped out others.. too. And that, even if it's had less of an affect, interacting with someone, does affect there life. Which goes remind me of Samantha. Met her when she was 14 too, she's 19 now. I've mentioned her before, as someone I think of like a little sister, sorta. I dunno.. she might not be alive now, if it wasn't for my involvement? Maybe, maybe not. And wouldn't say she is glad to be alive.. last I heard from her, she broke up with her boyfriend, who was her "first time" and said she didn't want to talk about it, because she would get upset again. I have sent her two emails since then, seeing how she was doing.. no response. Blah.. one was a happy birthday email.

That's the bad thing about AOL, you can see when someone else has read your email, and then elected not to respond. If it's something that would take time to respond, I can understand that.. but when the response would just be an answer to how ya doing.. or what's up, it shouldn't take that much time. Though.. in one regard, it isn't always an easy thing to talk about. And that takes me on to my next point. I emailed someone, Sunday I believe, well we had been talking back and forth. Quick responses.. known her for a few years, older woman. Anyway, I mentioned how I feel like I might be going crazy or something, and was looking for some help and insight.. she didn't have too help at all, but.. not responding, when someone is opening up like that, for help.. is just, inexcusable. But oh well.. gotta remember, life likes to teach me, I can only rely on me. Keep forgetting.

Though, I do need to thank Mem.. for helping me out. I was gonna be late for my doctor's appointment, oversleeping.. but she woke me up! LOL.. if she's reading this, she most likely is thinking, what the hell? I'll explain. I was dreaming, about something.. in a kitchen, not sure who I was meant to be, was watching the scene.. though think I was this woman with child, and people in there, were saying I must be! I was saying I wasn't, but they said I wouldn't have walked 20 miles to a baby store if I hadn't.. then, the dream shifted, and I like sent Mem a YIM, somehow, saying "I'm horny" and she responded with something like "You complete Slob! That's not the first thing to say to someone!" And then I suddenly woke up, looked at my clock.. and was like crap! So, Mem.. thanks, LOL.

What else.. hmm.. naw, this is long enough. So later.

Posted by Me on 9/09/2003 09:32:07 PM | Comments?

Yay.. ben awhile again. And guess I should make a correction. It really didn't get that dark when the power went out, since the sun was still up..

Anyway, blah.. might as well whine some more? Don't really see the point in keeping this thing anymore.. don't think many people care, and, eh.. I dunno. Whatever.

So.. last week, I see a new doctor. Just a general one, cuz new health plan.. wants me to visit him. My mom wanted me to have a physical.. but screw that, just made the appointment for a meet. And gave the guy my nice long history of failed attempts by the medical profession to try and fix my health.. wheee.. had some tests I wanted done, too. Course he didn't agree to them.. gotta start out with some basic things, had some blood drawn.

That didn't go too badly.. the blood taking lady, instead of doing the "usual" stop of that sensitive area.. on the elbow, well, opposite side of elbow, guess you would say. Instead, off to the side, on the "meaty" part of the forarm.. err, fore arm? whatever.. anyone. Didn't hurt that much, though bruised nicely. Only problem, maybe.. she asked which arm, normally they just do right.. in the past. So, I said left.. then was thinking oops.. all my scars were visible as she took blood.. hopefully didn't notice!

Fun, real fun.. seems I got sick last week too. Temp has been higher than normal, and it still is. Unless my body temp has decided to be higher? Blah.. anyway, Thursday, after having been in bed for 12 hours and not sleeping well.. the whole day all I wanted to do was just go back to bed. Felt like my body was breaking down, maybe like I was dying or something. Health issues were acting much worse too.. I'll save ya those details. Hmm.. that feeling, has sorta gone.. but sorta stayed. Feeling kinda dead inside too.. But, so.. since then, I can't get comfortable temp wise. Either, I feel like I'm too cold.. or I feel like I'm overheatin with a headache developing, or both.. both being quite fun.. bleck.

Oh, yeah.. and, really. I don't think it would be that bad, if a doctor came with tests going, "Oh dear, you're drying, you have blah blah months to live." Now, I don't say that, because I want to die. I would much rather live, but I don't consider life right now.. living. It's more, just.. existing. I would gladly take, getting healthy and living.. or getting worse and dying. It means an end. Right now there is no end.

Wheee.. said I was gonna be whining!

Hmmm.. what else? Bah, headache today, intestines are all cramped up. Fun! Just another day at my office. Why can't I get a vacation like everyone else? I know it's stupid to say this, but I don't see how I deserve this life. I use to, be very helpful. Put other's people's needs before mine.. etc. Can't really do that now. Can't go out and help others.. right now, I'm more just a useless waste. I doubt, I would really be that missed. Maybe besides my parents and sister. What a sad existence. People I know online, well.. figure it'd be like, oh well.. he's gone. Not like I'm that much of their life or anything. Gone from whining, to woe is me.. great. Hmmm..

Just bleck. Ya know, I could be a 4th degree black belt now, if I had never gotten ill? Pretty neat huh? That is if I stuck with it.. and believe I would have, was something I really liked. And I was so close to 2nd degree, back in 1996, even after missing over half a year or so.. from health issues. Then working on them, getting through it.. etc. But, in the end, the health issues won. Mind over matter, doesn't always work.

Wheee.. I could go on, but.. that's enough. Making myself feel depressed, and wouldn't want that!

Posted by Me on 9/08/2003 12:38:27 PM | Comments?