My Place (v4)

That's odd.. someone looking for "Elizabeth Smart seuxally assualted" though typed it in all caps, found my journal, and my journal was number 1 on the search.. errr.. I was talking about how disgusting the media was, not giving the damn girl any privacy. I hope.. this person had good intentions, well.. can't see any good ones, since they obviously want to find information that is NOT their buisness. Damn people.

So, anyway.. not feeling as upset about my idiot, never-was-never-will-be-friend. Got it out, and yeah.. could just ignore her, not let it get to me as I said, but.. I'm a stupid person, who puts faith in people while trying to find the good in them. This gets me introuble, or hurt.. basically, I've been learning. But, not gonna let any asshole, or fuck up.. ruin that about me. Call me naive, or stupid.. but I perfer to try to view the world like that. Though at times I just think the human race does sucks, but when I deal with people on an individual basis, I like to give them a chance, try to see the good in them. It can get me mad, when this faith gets broken by someone, especially when I considered the person to be a friend. That, added to what she was saying... I guess really got to me. But, I'll live. =)

Saw my chiropractor today, asked him about my twitching eye lid, he said it was from nerve fatigue, and it was just overly sensitive. Said to take some B vitamin, and it should stop within a few days. He seemed real confident about his answer, so.. guess I'll try it. Shouldn't hurt, unlike fucking idiot doctors who give surgery and drugs that don't help. Me, still mad at them? Naw.

Anyway, over the weekend, my patience finally paid off, and I got to see Men in Black 2, and Star Wars 2. On TV, of course. Not gonna waste money to see those movies, and good thing I didn't, in my opinion. Star Wars 2, I guess was supposed to be an action/love movie? Nice special effects, I'd say.. but that's nothing new with movies these days. All gotta be big and fancy. I didn't find it overly great, found it okay though.. not worth paying for at a theather though, and young Darth Vader, is such an obsessed foolish dude. He tells the princess, err.. Senator now, whatever.. and not trying to spell the names, how he has thought about her since they last saw each other. Which, would be a long time going by the movie. The way he described things, it wasn't love.. not even close, but total obsession. The Senator chick, I highly doubt it was love on her part either.. the high emotion of the situations they were in, added to his freakiness she couldn't see.. fooled her into thinking she loved him as well. Perfect example of what I call half people. Just rather silly, teenage "love".. even though the Senator chick, was older than that.

Men in Black 2. Again, good special effects. Acting seemed fine for the kind of movie it was. Just a big action/comedy movie, made to try and make more money from the Men in Black. Don't know if that part was successful.. but movie was enjoyable enough to watch once, don't think I'm gonna watch it again though.

Continuing on, on Fox tonight, they had this show about people who would do anything for "love." Most of these people were not in love either though. More sad people, feeling a need for someone, and not feeling whole without someone. Half people again. A lady, went to a guy's work, with a big sign saying "Marry me instead of her." And she hadn't seen him in 2 years, since they broke up. Her display of begging him to leave the girl he was with, was quite pathetic in my mind. She made a nice scene too. In her interview before hand, she said she needed him to complete her. That she didn't feel whole. Either, she needs therapy, or needs to work on making herself whole on the inside, rather than trying to find someone, who will never make her whole. Just hide the emptiness for awhile. She did say afterwards, that she didn't act well.. and was ready to move on now. So, guess she gets some points for that. There was also this guy, who had seen this girl, twice, over the past three years. On the show he ended up confessing to her how deeply in "love" he was, and how he thought about her all the time. Heh. Can we say obsessed? The object of his desire seemed to be a bit uncomfortable about it, and let him down nicely at least. Good for her though. The guy didn't seem right, having such feelings for someone he barely knew.

So, anyway.. that's it for now. Later.

Posted by Me on 6/17/2003 12:20:47 AM | Comments?

Bah.. some people are such fucking idiots.

My non-friend I've mentioned before, isn't even close to being a friend I've found out. She's a just a nutcase bitch. I've known her off and on, for about 5-6 years. She did seem to have her issues, but she had never intentionally been mean. Until about, what a month ago? I dunno, I don't fucking care. I'm not pissed off or angry, no.. more like enraged. I can just feel it.. trying to keep it under control though. Gawd. And seems like the world keeps throwing some little things at me.. just to try to set me off. And I was in such a good mood, until she had to go acting like a bitch again on Saturday.

She sent me a yahoo message saying hi, I was pretty much thinking damn.. cuz I hadn't noticed her sign on, and would have gone invis if I had known, since I didn't feel like dealing with her shit again. She was acting nice to start off though, then asks if I was busy looking at child porn. Freaking idiot she is. I've already told her, how much I don't like her joking about that, cuz people get sent to jail.. when they're innocent of doing that, all the time. Or so it seems. Someone claims that of you, your life is over, innocent or not.

I've tried to get it through her thick head, that I'm not into children like that. But, she is miss know it all, and everything you say, she twists around to fit her distorted view of reality. She'd even commented, that I should never be a camp counselor, because I wouldn't beable to resist the temptation of the pre-teen girls. Gawd, joking or not.. that's disgusting. Though, she also mentioned she should tell my parents what a disturbed son they have. Good thing she doesn't know how to contact them, but more important, that's taking things way too fucking far. Though my parents would know she'd full of shit anyway, it's still.. doesn't make me happy. She's viewing me in a light, and enjoying saying it.. (she commented this was fun, our discussion).. that's just so enraging. I know, I should just ignore her.. but, I'm all paraniod, that somehow, someway.. she'll report me, they'll believe her.. I'll end up in jail, which with my health problems, will be unlivable, so I'd have to kill myself. Kinda sad, since might leave people believing her.. but, heh.. my life would be over anyway, live or not.

Something else she believes is that I have a hatred of women, because I keep getting turned down by them. First, I wouldn't call getting turned down by two women, keeping getting turned down. And I considered those learning experiences. Second, most of my friends are female. I feel more comfortable around female friends, for some reason.. so, yeah.. I like being around people I have a hatred of. Fucking right.

Anyway, since she wouldn't listen to logic.. or reason, and had to keep going on about it, even though she knew it wasn't making me happy, I mentioned that just because she was raped when she was little, didn't mean all guys were like that.. and that this just showed she had more healing to do. Was that out of line? I never once insulted her or made fun or her for being raped, like she was doing to me. She did call it a low blow, and asked if that means everything she says isn't true then. I told her no, that she was just wrong about this. But of course, she didn't listen to that either.. just continued on in her own distorted reality.

Hmmm.. I did start calling her mentally damaged though, and her view mixed up. Maybe the mentally damaged part was mean? Heh. She was acting like she was. Part of me was feeling a bit sorry for saying that today, and wanted to email her.. trying to calmly explain to her why she was wrong, and to say sorry if I hurt her. Though, I've already tried to explain things to her calmly.. didn't work. And knowing her, she'd just twist things around again.. and the part of me that just thinks, fucking forget her.. and move on with life, is winning out.

Well.. just hopefully nothing else comes of this, and she can learn to deal with her issues. Doubt she'll be getting far in life, without doing so. Kinda sad, so feel sorry for her as a person.. but, got too many conflicting emotions right now. Feeling better for having written this out though. Holding it in wasn't good.

And to those reading this who don't know me, and want to agree with her.. fuck off. You don't know me. So keep your misguided opinions to yourself. Oh, and another thing.. part of her basis for her lovely opinion of me, is from the fact that I use to want to help troubled and abused children. She thinks everyone who helps abused kids, gets off on listened to their stories.. can you say she has issues? Very good, thought you could.

In other news, my eye lid is still twitching.. maybe in a few years, I'll know why. Wait, that would be if I had health insurance, that I can't get.. because I need a fucking doctor in the first place, but that's a bit expensive. Fucking fucked up health care system.

Posted by Me on 6/16/2003 04:36:10 AM | Comments?

Friday, June 20, 2003

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Monday, June 16, 2003