My Place (v4)

Bleck.. I'm really starting to think Breakfast doesn't do a body good. Seems too often, after eating it.. I'll start to get a bit of a throw up feeling. Not always, but sometimes I do. It's not completely a throw up feelings, bunch of not good feelings mixed together. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense.. and hard to describe. Today, was getting it good Got to the point where I had the "watery mouth" that you get, when your body is getting ready to throw up. Icky. At least I didn't, but joy.. was I feeling not good, the whole system down there.

Happily.. things aren't feeling too bad now. Still feeling it.. but it's a little better. Though, would like my heart rate to slow down a bit. Up over 120 (usually it's around 60), was around 150-160.. just from, uhhh.. showering? Didn't know showering was that much work, and NO. All I did was clean myself. Dirty minded people. And well, just enjoy the water.. mmm.. NOT IN THAT WAY! It's relaxing.

I'm really annoyed with the mail man. I got something I want to mail, planned to mail it Yesterday, thinking it's arrive on Friday. Guess what? Stupid me didn't wake up earlier enough. The mail man usually comes between 12-12:30 pm. I was up, like 1:30. So, obviously missed it. This morning, I was smart.. having my alarm set for 11 am. Yeah, sooo earlier I know. Anyway, I get up, go me. I go out to the mailbox, and guess what? The mail is here!! Talk about mean. The one day I get up to put mail in the mail box, the dude freaking comes like an hour or two earlier! So not fair. So, the thing I'm mailing out, has no chance to arrive by Friday. Didn't it didn't either, but maybe by Saturday? Which would have been a day late.

I know it's the thought that counts right. But shouldn't one be thoughtful enough to have something arrive on time? Guess, well.. it depends on what you favor more. Thoughtful, or.. on timeness. Sigh. Well, gonna hope it's the thought that counts. Normally, I would just do nothing.. I don't like my birthday, and well, while I really don't care if anything happens for it, it is nice to be surprised. Her, I know likes her birthday, so.. being thoughtful enough to send something! That should be good.. just gonna be late.

Oh, and to everyone (yeah, everyone.. I mean the no one reading this, lol), who are thinking I could have just put it in the mail box overnight, well yeah, I could. Gonna do that tonight, after looking at the Lunar Eclipse. I'm just gonna hope no one steals it. Yeah, that's how much I trust our human race. I'm afraid someone is going to steal mail out of my mail box that I'm sending. Do I suck, or what?

Now, on to my final thoughts. This is the post I lost Saturday basically, about our great leader, Mr. Bush. He gave a speach today, so might as well repost.

I'm really finding Bush's antics quite pathetic lately. I wonder how much lower he can stoop to serve his party's agenda. First, with the ecomony being crap, and his approval rating dropping, with elections for congress coming, he decides we need to war Iraq! They have big bad weapons, and have terrorists dancing in the streets, so they must die! Of course, most American people (well seems like most), are stupid, so they're like.. oh boy oh boy, war! We need to support our President again, who cares if he is doing an awful job. We're at war!!

The Dems.. really aren't doing crap to control Mr. Bush it seems either though.

Anyway, so he gets his war. To get rid of these big bad weapons, and evil people. Though, suddenly, things change. Now we're warring to save the Iragi people and give them Freedom. Riiiight. I guess because all those big bad weapons Iraq had, which the US hasn't really found yet, doesn't exist. Hmm.. why, oh why, not just say it's to get the Iraqi people freedom first? Well.. why not just say it was for political gain. Which it was for.

So, war won. Mr. Bush needs to show off, and get some good pictures for re-election. So he flies into an aircraft carrier on a jet, while a helicopper would have worked just as well. And the ship is turned, so you can't see the coast in the background. Then he gives his big speech, we beat bad guys! We good guys, go us. Whatever.

Then last week, going even lower, Mr. Bush spoke at a college graduation. It's a day to celebrate for the graduates. What was the main topic of Bush's speech? His freaking political agenda! He was talking about his plans for peace in the middle east! What the hell does that have to do with people graduating from College? Nothing! He was freaking selfish, stealing their day, for his own personal goals.

And today, he gave a speech for peace officers. Amazingly, he didn't bring up the war in Iraq. The person who introduced him did though. But he talked about police officers being good, terrorists and criminals being evil. Great. I love his black and white view, of our complex world.

Anyway.. that's it for me.

Posted by Me on 5/15/2003 02:52:26 PM | Comments?

So, Saturday night, or Monday morning, whichever you'd call 6 am, I was lying in bed, having what could be called a pity party for myself.

Well, not sure, pity party works. My mind was wondering, and it settled on some of the things I've done in my life, that I'm not proud of. Things, perhaps I wish I never did. I'm sure everyone has things they aren't proud of, would feel others would shun them for it. But, all part of growing up, right? We sometimes do things that involve really bad judgement.

Anyway, the thoughts in my head were starting to take over. I don't know if this is how a "normal" mind works, or how a "depressed" mind works. Every so often, I can just get into a loop of negative thoughts, that I can't shake. Pulls me down. Doesn't feel good one bit. And so, this was happening with the "not good things done" thoughts. Was strong too, almost someone there was just whispering things to me. Trying to upset me, pull me down. Get me majorly guilty. And debating whether these bad things undid all the good things I've done, and made me a bad person. I just wanted it out of my head, for it to stop. The thoughts, and then.. I took control!

Using part of a meditation, I've being doing. I was able to stop it! Amazed me. Never done something like that before. Just by taking command, and ordering it all away (bit more involved than that, lol). Think it's a nice positive step in the right direction. And now, as I think about those things now.. my thoughts haven't gotten out of control. Not really getting to upset or guilty either. And, not doubting that I'm a good person. I'm just a good person, who hasn't been perfect, and has made mistakes. Which I learn from.

I can live with that. =)

My post that was lost Saturday, blah.. don't feel like retyping it right now, will later.

Posted by Me on 5/13/2003 02:43:23 AM | Comments?

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Sunday, May 11, 2003