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Journal

MMmmmmm.. had chinesse food for dinner... yummy.. LOL.

Though, that makes it so I only had one meal today. Not hungry now, my large intestines is all cramping up, because it can I guess.. grrrr!

My fortune, "The secret to good friends, is no secret to you."

Go me!

*dances*

Oh well, later.

Posted by Me on 1/18/2003 04:04:24 AM | Comments?

Grrr.. I'm hungry right now! And hmm.. that reminded me to go weigh myself, been awhile.. lol.. down four pounds, whheee! Only 151, nothing to yell at me about.. the Christmas junk, had me up around 155-156.. and now I guess it's gone. Just haven't been eating as much junk recently, so it's good weight loss!

Oh, and yeah.. no.. I'm not, not eating cuz I'm all freaky about my weight, more because in about 2 hours I'll be eating dinner.. and well, eat now, and dinner is ruined.. though, yeah.. haven't had any breakfast or lunch yet.. oops!

Guess it's a nice feeling, sort of.. hunger. I rarely feel hunger.. so might as well enjoy it for awhile.

Let me repeat, I sooo need therapy. =D

Posted by Me on 1/17/2003 04:26:53 PM | Comments?

I just read that the government's new auditing board, charged with overseeing the accounting profession, voted to give itself an annual salary of $452,000. That's fucked up. First, they shouldn't be allowed to vote for their own salary, they are obviously, fucking greedy. They need to be taken out into the street, told they will be paid $100,000 a year, which is more than enough to live comfortably, and if they refuse, shot in the head. Killed. Dead. Then some new people can be brought in, and told it's $100,000 a year, if they refuse, don't hire their greedy asses.

In my earlier rant, I got into how my mind is so messed up, and now I'm gonna give ya another peek into that messed up-ness! There's some, maybe repairman here, or was.. I saw his white truck outside earlier, and could hear his voice downstairs. Don't know what's being repaired, unless it's a check to make sure furnace is working? Anywho, that's besides the points. When I went to go shower, my stupid little mind was wandering, and thought.. what if that guy wasn't nice, and when I come downstairs I find my mom dead.. and.. yeah, it's like what the fuck! Where the hell did that thought some from. Do I want her dead? NO! Took awhile to get rid of those thoughts, got them replaced with something a little happier after awhile..

Also.. these are just thoughts of mine, no offense to anyone. After the de-modded, there was also the thought.. D once told me how she removed me as mod, so the boards would be all female run again. She was just joking, but the idea was planted after that. So one of the things that went through my mind, was well.. now she really did it. Just had actual reasons for doing it, to cover.. but.. would she really do something like that? In my experience with her, she has seemed to be fairly nice to me.. she says she's evil though, and well.. if these thoughts were right, well, that would be an evil thing to do. I don't want to believe that would be her motivation, though I already know I can be too trusting and naive at times.. so, is my wanting to believe she did it for the right reasons, just my too trusting nature? I dunno.. Hope not.

Blah, Wolfy told me not to over-analyze things.. but It is how this head works. I'm thinking, maybe if I write down my over-analyzing, it'll help me.. just get it out of my head, so it won't continue dancing around in it. Or.. as I said in my last post, I sooo need therapy.

And uh, if the subject of this entry.. reads it.. *waves* ..uh, nothing personal, just thinking if I get these thoughts out.. they'll be gone! I'm not mad.. so please don't be either!

Posted by Me on 1/17/2003 04:09:57 PM | Comments?

Bah, I want to delete my last post.. but that's against my rules. It was a rant though, basically.. and I'm fine now. Just needed to get it out, even if it wasn't that logically.. or maybe I'm repressing now?

Ugh..

Whatever, just hope no one mentioned gets mad. Just a rant, wasn't meant to hurt anyone.. was just letting out some silly emotions, if that can't be understood.. oh well..

I so need therapy. =D

Posted by Me on 1/16/2003 09:51:03 PM | Comments?

*turns on rant mode*

Can't this freaking body just give me a damn break once and awhile? Oh.. yeah.. that won't happen, till I kill myself. Which won't be happening anytime soon either, bleck.

So, yesterday.. I check my mail, find an email from D.. was like, hmm.. since she never emails me. Read it, found out I got de-modded on EM. Was told of the reasons why, she, Mem, and Wolfy dicsussed it, and decided there was no point keeping me a mod. Which, I'll agree with.. really, I was just a stand in while Mem and then D were off the boards, because of lack of intetnet connection, and I really hadn't been much help on the boards lately. I had given up on life, so really.. wasn't doing much at all. Sorta, getting back into life now.. sorta. Still see no chance of any future, but at least.. I'm semi-extisting now.. anyway, so as a mod, I was pretty much useless on the boards, forgot to kind of look around and mod too, but that's my own fault. Though, really didn't like being told I wasn't responsible enough to be a mod anymore.. I am very responsible.. just couldn't take like anymore.. is all.. =\

Though.. I'm not mad aboutbeing de-modded, it's just.. last night I posted on the boards, a private access part, to mention I was okay with it. This afternoon, I checked to see if I got any replies, Wolfy did reply.. no one else did. Which, was okay.. perhaps no one else saw it? Though, noticed my title was changed, like I mentioned should be done, since.. the mod title really wasn't of any use anymore. So, I'm wondering.. well.. if Mem changed it, why didn't she like at least just say something? I don't want to be hurt, but.. the lack of anything from her, has hurt. Maybe D changed it, I dunno.. but thought it would have been nice to at least get a little note from Mem, just mentioning something, ya know? Or maybe I'm just being a big baby. Just a big idiotic baby.

Hmm.. ya know, typing this is starting to really hurt! Fun.. but do I harbor any ill will towards Mem? Totally not. She's been nice to me, allowing me to use some of her webspace even. It's just big baby me, would have liked to have heard at least something from her..

Maybe I'm just a complete mental nutcase. Earlier today, before I came here.. my mind was just thinking of what I would find when I came to post, or check to see if anyone replied to my post. Was I thinking anything happy and positive happened? No. One thought was that I would have my access to the private area revoked, and I'd be like.. what the hell? Though there was no logical reason for that to happen in reality, my mind just seems to like to torture me like that. Yeah, I do have the fantasies of being Mr. Great Saving the Day Guy.. but.. I also have fantasies that just are painful, not fun things happening to me. Maybe there's something wrong with that? I dunno..

Blah at this thing that was supposed to be a life.

*End rant mode*

Umm.. Mem sweety, if you read this.. no offense!

Posted by Me on 1/16/2003 04:29:20 PM | Comments?

Haven't frozen to death, bit slow posting. Like that's new? We got a new furnace, and the oven actually worked fairly well for heating parts ot the house.. lol.

Bleck, stomach is not feeling happy right now, so don't feel like saying much more.. maybe later. :P

Posted by Me on 1/15/2003 04:28:39 PM | Comments?

This afternoon, our Furnace stopped working. Well, it still makes heat.. but the fan part of it isn't working, so the heat isn't getting to the rest of the house. Repairman, or something said we need a new one.. something that's not happening today, tomorrow hopefully. This wouldn't be that big of a problem if it was summer, but it's not, it's winter here. Right now it's 20 degress outside, and should get into the low teens.. fun!

At least I have my nice warm water bed set at 95 degress, mmmm.. hehe.. so shouldn't be cold sleeping, showering tomorrow though.. EEEEP! Yes, hot water.. but.. bbrrrrrr.. the bathroom will be freezer!

On a site note, we have the oven on.. and open to help heat the house, lol.. it's just funny to me. :)

Well.. need to like go find something to eat and watch OZ.. whheeee.. haven't eaten in like 8 hours.

Posted by Me on 1/12/2003 08:52:56 PM | Comments?