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Journal

I just haven't felt like writing in this lately, most of what I need to say I say in my head.. and when I'm at the computer, don't feel like saying it here. Does anyone actual care or interested enough to read this? This wasn't created for others, but.. kinda nice to know if people would like it if I kept up to date, ya know?

List time! (I'm not proof reading, so typo's and spelling errors, be damned)

1) So, Halloween was last week. We had more kids come to the door this year, than normal. For once it wasn't cold and wet snowing, it was just cold. Makes a difference, maybe around 40. Though a few of the kids, were to young to even say trick or treat. Now, why the heck would a parent be carrying around a kid that's too young to really know what's going on? I mean, it's like geez. The kid must be confused or something, and may protect later in life when mom says no taking candy from strangers. Not trying to be a downer, but what exact is the purpose. Using your kid to get free candy?

2) Some people get all happy for the holidays, like Halloween. I didn't, but then again, I had no where to go and no one to celebrate it with. I guess maybe, it's more fun when you can enjoy it, huh?

3) Saturday night, had a weird dream with Jill in it. Might have had two, not sure.. was kind of mixed up. Details were too off to try and explain, I do remember.. there were other people in it. Think maybe her friend Jen, and maybe another girl, who was in her sorienity(sp?). But, lovely details.. just remember mostly, as the end of the dream she's like.. I know you like me, and was like wanted to talk or something. Thing is, I don't like like her, but did like her as a person and friend. And why have this kind of dream, when I haven't seen her since May and will never again most likely? Makes no sense. Also, think I has another dream when on EM, a message board I post on.. she was posting, and said something to imply the same thing. Weird.

4) Mom just walked in, asked me if I've thought about what I want to do.. umm.. yeah, I have lots of ideas, wants.. but this damn body if too fucked up. Hasn't gotten better, only seems to worsen. Gawd.. yeah, of course I didn't mention that. They seem to think it's fine, ugh.. I FUCKING HATE THIS!! They pressure me and tell me stuff about how I should be getting out having a life, yeah DAMN. I FUCKING WANT TOO! Sigh.. hate talking to them, about that stuff.. ugh. Nothing against them, they are okay.

5) My thumb and wrist. It's just lovely, though maybe not as bad as I think? A nerve is messed up though. I'm hoping it's just mad right now and will calm down, and that it hasn't moved out of place. If I run my finger over it, I will feel the tingly numb feeling in my thumb, and the area when it's mad is kind hurting slightly while I'm typing, something that hasn't happened before. Think maybe it's the Median nerve? You know your wrist, plam facing up, trail your finger down it, below your thumb, should feel a bone, well end of one I think, kind of like a bump? I'm hoping the nerve is supposed to go over that naturally, because that's the area that's really unhappy, below that in softer away it was kind of bad too, but not as bad. Another problem though, certain movements that require me to move my hand back, pulls and strains the nerve, making it so I can't do that kind of movement, because it sends tingles right into my thumb. Doesn't feel good. I just hope nothing is out of place or torn, or messed up.. and it'll heal. It's a fear though, since I have had surgery to fix my ulnar nerve on my left elbow, since it was out of place. (This is my left wrist too) And my right elbow's ulnar nerve isn't too great either. Has me sorta wondering if there's some disease behind that? Hope not. Can't ask a doctor, won't. Costs money, and nothing is serious yet..

6) Yesterday I voted in the election. Didn't matter though, our political system while good in theory, doesn't work. Why? Because most people who vote are fucking morons. That was proven once again, in yesterday's election. The US is fucked. Should move to a new country, maybe a dictorship. With a good dictor, that system would work much better than a pile of crap one. And how much fucking money was wasting throwing mud? I mean god damn, out of all the comcerials I saw, most were fucking insults at other canidates. Of course, I saw some who didn't throw mud.. but they lost terribly. Just lovely, whoever can throw the most mud, waste the most money, gets elected. Ya know how many people could have been helped with that money? Blah, who fucking cares though, right? Most politicians just think we are fucking morons. They don't care about us.

Hmm.. well guess that's enough to entertain y'all for now.

Posted by Me on 11/06/2002 11:40:57 PM | Comments?

Looks like my luck isn't going to be changing any.. the little problem I mentioned with the numbness in thumb, nerve maybe being pinched and it'll hopefully get better.. seems to be a lot worse then that.. I'll explain later tomorrow, hoping it'll decide to be fine.

Gawd, this body just loves me.

Posted by Me on 11/05/2002 05:03:49 AM | Comments?

Umm.. need to do some catching up, but no time right now.. lol. Though, snowed yesterday.. been really snowing today. Had snow on the ground this morning, unusual for the first snow fall of the year. And tonight's, wow.. lots of road problems, since so many people seem to forgot hot to drive in snow over the summer, blah.

Yesterday afternoon, something like popped, or something in my left arm.. wasn't doing anything different, was just sitting here.. and now, upper part and outside part of my thumb has that numby, tingly feel to touch. Like it's sorta asleep or something. Could have pinched a nerve, which takes awhile to wear off.. still feeling it today though, hopefully it goes away!

Anyway, will try a better update later at sometime.

Posted by Me on 11/03/2002 12:30:26 AM | Comments?