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Journal

Ugh.. got such a headache, it sucks.. maybe, hopefully I'll just go sleepy early, be kinda nice. It's like cold out! Last night it got down under 40, maybe around 35, and the house gets colder at night, since heat goes go off or something. Saves energy. So it's cold! Nice though too, since my water bed is warm. Feels good to just curl up under the covers and be all warm. (Having someone else there to curl up, would make it better, hehe)

Anywho, hadn't been sleeping in it.. over the summer, just returned this week. Filled it up with more water, because it needed it.. and it's nice and comfy! Better than the normal bed I had been sleeping in.

Last night was talking to Sam again, poor girl. She's 18, says she hasn't been as bad as she is right now since she was 14. I've known her since than, met her in a suicide chatroom, on AOL. Silly me thought I could help people in those rooms, and think.. I had. Stopped though, became a bit too much. Anyway, she said the only thing keeping her alive right now is her boyfriend, and it's just so heart breaking. Kinda makes me hate caring for people, and she is the person I care the most about.. love, would be a better word. (not romantic) Funny thing is, I've never met her in real life.. we have talked on the phone though, but getting back on track.. feel maybe if I had been coming on AOL more often the last month, maybe I could have just been their to listen more, and maybe she wouldn't be feeling as bad?

Not really blaming myself, but there is that possibility of who knows, ya know? It sucks that I just know her only online though, cuz when she isn't feeling good, I just want to be there, to hug.. or do something. There really is nothing I can do to make her feel better though, pretty helpless feeling. Blah.

She was giving me reasons why she was a loser too, and looking at that list.. I think I'd could be called loser too. Though, really didn't say anything about myself.. doesn't matter if I'm hurting at times too, cuz she has enough to deal and worry about. Besides, I got this silly journal to complain too.

So yeah.. not feeling good physically right now, so I'm gonna wrap up now.

Posted by Me on 10/09/2002 09:24:20 PM | Comments?

Someone messaged me on yahoo, to tell me my profile was funny.. and asked asl. That 'a' is 26, ugh.. first time I've answered that. Felt weird, didn't like it. Anyway, told him my asl, and said I figure you were hoping I was female? Guess he was, cause he answered with a bye, LOL.

Yesterday kinda sucked, Eagles' game.. argh.. talk about totally pissing me off. If I was posting yesterday after the game, there would be a lot of swearing going on. It was just sick, how they played as if they didn't want to win. The other team had no right winning that game, the Eagles just totally let them win. Anytime they got something good going, they just shot themselves in the foot. Bleck. They did finally start doing well, got 2 TD's at the end, but it was too late then.. so getting some scores, wouldn't have given them a win.

Last night going through stuff, found my old magic cards. Anyone remember that game?

Anywho.. time for another gross out post. If anyone remembers my first post in this, I talked about a lump I had had on my back for a long time. Doctors said it was nothing to worry about. Maybe swollen lympth node, and just massage it down. Never really went down though, and wasn't like huge.. but noticable if I had my shirt off. Anywho, about a month ago it finally like popped, like a pimple. Little tiny whole, and a ton of puss. I mean a lot! And it then became just an area of skin, that was stretched out, with nothing inside. Last night, I was just poking at it, well sorta.. since it's on my back, and stuff came out again. A little puss, but also a puss-ie milky kind of liquid too. I went to the bathroom to play with it more and a puff of air come out, it was very foul smelling.. yeck. Got more stuff out too.. hmm, wasn't a lot. I don't think that's a good thing either, how'd air get in there? And really can't desribe the smell. Had my mom do some more squeezing today, since it is on my back.. did some myself in the morning too, smell still there..

Oh well.. maybe a doctor would be needed. Stupid not having any health insurance!

That's all for now. If you have ideas, feel free to post in the comments section. :)

Posted by Me on 10/08/2002 03:18:06 AM | Comments?