My Place (v4)

Should have posted last night, but didn't.. grr.. so gotta make this one longer. I'll do in list style, will just be easier. :)

1) Thursday night signed on AIM, and caught Sam online.. sigh.. haven't talked to her in a long time, and shes not doing too well.. broke her strike of not cutting. So, I need to try to got on that more, so at least I can be around to talk too. She said I shouldn't blame myself, for her problems.. and true, I shouldn't.. but I should be there.

2) Got a birthday card from my grandma, and some money, lol.. but in the card she wrote, asking how I am spending my leisure time. Umm, excuse me? What freaking leisure time? Yeah, maybe I'm not doing a whole lot, not working.. but damn. I want to be, but there's this little fucking this called bad health, really messed up. This ain't fucking leisure. Leisure is relaxing, enjoyable.. this existence of mine, is none of those. But, in my thank you card, I'll just be like thanks, blah blah blah. Won't try to explain any of that, she once said she thought I just wanted attention, and really wasn't sick.. so why try explain? And why the fuck would I want attention? Hello!! I wouldn't fucking go around saying I'm sick to get attention, and I'm shy.. when the hell do shy people go around trying to get attention? Blah.

3) So, yesterday, at 7:30 am.. I turned 26. Ugh. Freaking sucks. Just reminded how fucked up this exitence of mine is. I'm really no where in life. Yeah, I got a college degree, big freaking deal. I could, should.. have a masters by now. But nope, this body didn't let that happen. And career, work, relationships, friends to hang with? Nope, body doesn't want that either. So, yeah.. I feel really old.. since I'm so fucking behind, with no forward motion in sight.

4) Hmm.. people who have known me in real life, would be surprised I'm swearing so much, LOL. I normally never swear around people, just feels weird.

5) Had apple pie, instead of cake.. sorta burned, but okay.

6) Goind through some things in my room today, found the phone number of a girl (Josie) I knew last spring (2001). My brother wrote it down, because I wasn't home, and she wanted help on a psychology lab. I also helped her study for the test.. (well gave her my notes, answers.. lol), in her dorm room, at the end of the semester. That was fun. Actually being in a dorm room, getting ready for a test. Had never done that before, made me kinda feel like part of something. And showed me what I had been missing out on. Sigh.. I also asked her out, first person.. she had a boyfriend. She said she didn't need that kind of stress right now, gawd.. I'm awful. So wrote her a too long, stupid note about how I didn't mean to upset her. She just happened to live 5-10 minutes from me, and she seemed like a nice person.. so why not give it a shot? Haven't seen or heard from her since.

7) Guess it was good she said no, because what good would I be in a relationship? I really can't be that good for someone, with how unhealthy I was then.. and now. So, it's just stupid to ask someone out. Someone needs to have someone who can spend more time with them, going out places, and stuff.. blah.

8) Hmm.. reminds me, I asked someone out, Spring 2001 and was rejected, Spring 2002 and was rejected. I'm starting a tradition?

9) On the good news front, was kinda worried about Denna.. since last I spoke to her she was sick, and stuff.. but caught her online briefly. So least that helped ease my worries somewhat. Need to catch her on longer though next time!

Umm.. well, all I can think of for now.

Posted by Me on 10/05/2002 11:26:30 PM | Comments?

Yeah, been awhile since I posted.. no one complainned in my comment section though, hmpth.. so unloved I am! Really haven't had anything to talk about, besides maybe ramblings, and just haven't been in a talking mood lately.

Last night, went out birthday shopping, to look around. First mall we went to, got a new mouse and cable we needed for our computer. Yay! Such lovely presents! I really don't care, if we need stuff, I'm fine with it being bought under the label "present." Also, no one feels as bad that I wasn't bought anything. We then went to Radio Shack, to look for a webcam. They only had one, a Radio Shack brand one. The guy there said we could get them much cheaper at Comp USA, and they sometimes gave webcams out for free, so we were like.. lets go there! That dude was kewl, lol, said he was a computer geek and knows what it is like having to buy expensive computer stuff.

So we headed to another Mall (Makes it, I've been to two Malls now, this Century.. hadn't been to one before this Century, rofl.. sad). Anyway, no free ones there, and they didn't have the games I was looking for either. The old Ultima games, real fun.. kill everyone, hehe.. All they had was the Utlima online, which could be lots of fun, but the damn asses make you pay to play it online, so screw that! My dad grabbed Myth 2, thought it looked like fun.. and the box said you can kill things and destroy stuff, and it was only 9.99, so cheap. Game though, is too structured, gotta lead the silly army.. Utlima kind of destruction is way more fun!

They had lots of webcams at least. Tons of them, cheap ones to expensive ones. Settled on this tiny little digital camera, that can work as a webcam too. Supposedly can hold lots of pics, so thought it'd be good, and it was only 39.99 (what the hell is with the 99 cents?). So, it was cheaper then the one at Radio Shack, and more useful, I figure. Though, the picture from it isn't super clear.. it works well enough.

Hmm.. yeah, so, birthday is tomorrow, the 4th. Yeck. My mom's is the 5th, and my dad's father's is the 6th. Well, he passed on though few years ago. Nice little mix? I was my mom's earlier birthday present, LOL.

But anywho.. that's it for now.

Posted by Me on 10/03/2002 04:07:10 PM | Comments?

Saturday, October 05, 2002

Thursday, October 03, 2002